Got your attention, didn’t it?? Before you hyperventilate, no, I’m not talking about prostitution. At least, not the “Pretty Woman” kind. The argument can be made that we all pimp ourselves out – to degrees – for a paycheck; but that’s not really the point of this particular blog post.
What the heck is a “Booty Call?”
For those of you who married before the rise of the “booty call” or run in more refined circles where it’s just not mentioned and so don’t know what it is? (1) Plainly speaking, the “booty call” is the request for ‘no-strings attached’ physical encounters. No emotions, no commitments, no plans… and frankly, no respect… it’s a selfish thing & so regardless of the gender initiating it? It’s a dick move.
As a single and sometimes dating gal in Dallas; this is something I’ve had to deal with more times than I care to count. Recently, I put the kabash on this concept with an old flame. Call me old-fashioned, but that just does not do it for me. I don’t see it as a compliment – it’s actually kind of insulting. For anyone who knows me AT ALL – I’m not a booty-call kind of girl.
Look, we all have needs, I get it. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to going about getting them filled. Exactly on what planet is sending someone an email of your junk saying “want me?” (2) flattering to the recipient? Answer: It’s not. That person isn’t special, isn’t chosen… they’re more or less a means to an end, nothing more… and maybe less. You never hear couples or people in successful relationships say, “Oh we were so just a booty call for each other and then one day? *Poof!* It turned into something more.” Regardless of what pop culture sensation Justin Timberlake and the big-eyed chick from “Friends with Benefits” would have you believe? Taking that trip is a dead-end destination.
Of course, proponents of the ‘arrangement’ take the position that it’s supposed to be dead-end. That’s the point. Okay, fine – and once in a blue moon I bet you find 2 people participating that both are in it for the same thing, with the same level of detachment. But let’s get real, folks… most of the time? If the “booty call” is transpiring with someone either party has history with? At least one of them has some level of emotional investment & is likely hoping, consciously or otherwise, that the other person will eventually reciprocate… once they’ve proved how fabulous their – um, performances - can be.
While I’m sure this is going to hit the nerves of some; I’m going to go on record as saying that? Is NOT attractive; it’s the calling card of the desperate & insecure. Of course, that same insecurity is what gets the booty ‘call-er’ anywhere in the first place… and don’t think for a second that’s not exactly what they’re hoping for.
What does that have to do with work??
Lately, I’ve witnessed a disturbing trend in employment that mirrors the booty calls we see in the dating wild: would-be employers looking for a little lovin’ without any of the commitment. I’ve joked that recruiting is a lot like matchmaking because the hiring process so closely mirrors dating. Two people meet (employer & candidate), they court (interviews), there’s a proposal (job offer), and they commit (employment: be it consultant, contractor, or perm. employee). But just as I’ve recently experienced the late-night request for the hook-up? I’ve also experienced the same with work & I’ve seen happening to others.
It’s not okay.
What does it look like & how do I see it coming??
These lines sound familiar?
- “We’d love to be able to bring you on board… but we don’t have the funds right now. Soon! In the meantime, would you mind doing XYZ…” or
- “Let’s grab a cup of coffee; would love to pick your brain about XYZ…” or
- “We want to REALLY get to know more about how you work. For your interview, put together a full, detailed plan on how you’d handle XYZ…”
All of those lines are followed by requests from the initiator for to do something – on the side – for them. Usually impromptu, without actual pay; mostly for the hope or unspoken promise that completing said request would gain favor with the one that requested it. Maybe it’s even fun work, something the PBC (3) enjoys doing or discussing… but the point is typically nothing of substance comes of it for the PBC. The dirty truth that most people have a hard time saying out loud is that if they truly respected you and what you do? They’d take the time to schedule an appointment and pay for your work/time/effort.
Whether at work or ‘at play’ the booty call is easily identified when you check for equity. The reason the recruiting & hiring process works so well is that – at least at that point – both parties are equally invested: the candidate wants work & the employer wants it done. The reason that e-Harmony is so successful is that millions of people want companionship that leads to invested, continued emotions… i.e.? A relationship. They both get something out of it. Both sides have a say, both sides interests are considered, cared about and responded to (through dates, conversations, meetings, and paychecks – depending on relationship type).
If any of those components are missing? It might be time to consider that you might be doing some booty callin’… and really, is that who you want to be?? To each their own, I guess… but for me? I’ll Pass.
(1) aka married, wasp, or firmly entrenched in the Bible Belt
(2) yup, that’s happened.
(3) Professional Booty Call